Have you ever heard of John Gottman? He is a psychologist and researcher who became most famous because of his work on relationship stability (what makes relationships last, and what makes relationships not last.)

After observing couples for decades, he and his team say they can predict which will stay together and which won’t, just by watching them interact for a few minutes.

Guttman identified four patterns of communication that destroy relationships.

Of all four, there is one that is by far the most toxic, the one most likely to ruin any relationship.

It’s not cheating. (Cheating is not even one of the other three.)

It’s contempt.

If you treat your significant other with disrespect, if you mock them, if you intimate in any way that you are superior by doing things like rolling your eyes, sneering, responding sarcastically, name calling or using humor in a way that is mean or hostile, if you communicate disgust or position yourself as “above” the other person, you’ve just put yourself in the worst possible position to resolve any conflict.

Contempt ruins marriages faster than any other behavior.