The funny thing about living abroad is that you find out all the weird stereotypes people in other countries ascribe to your nationality. Things like “French people smell”, or “French women never shave” (which is something we say of Portuguese women, by the way… what goes around comes around, I guess).

Most of these things I can’t relate to (the French always surrender?!). Some I wish fervently to be true, but I can never know for sure (French people are great kissers). Others (the French are very comfortable around nudity) are true of my family, but not of the vast majority of French people I know and grew up with.

All this to say, stereotypes can be deceptive. Which you already knew, since you asked this question. Glad we’re on the same page.

Having said that, I have Thoughts:

• On croissants:

French people do eat them, and most of us think they’re delicious, but I feel pretty confident in saying that most people don’t eat them on a daily basis. I don’t know anyone who makes their own croissants, so we have to buy them somewhere, for a start. I’d say they’re more of a treat you get on the weekend, or when you’re having breakfast or a snack outside your house. Think of them as pancakes, if you’re American. Hollywood makes it look as though you eat that sh*t every day, but you know that’s not true.

• On tarts:

Same as croissants, except these are more likely to be a dessert than a breakfast / snack item. That means you might bring them to a dinner party if the host/hostess asked you to bring a dessert (a frequent occurrence, if you’re invited to a meal at a friend’s house).

• On cheese:

Other than butter, this is the most likely item on your list to be consumed on a daily basis. Again, family culture may trump national culture here, but most people I know will have a piece of cheese between the main meal and dessert. Most of the time it’ll be a small bite on a piece of bread, so nothing to significantly throw your diet off course. Also (do I need to mention this?), you eat less of your main course when you know cheese and dessert are still to come. So that balances out.

A quick note on dessert: in my experience, most French people eat dessert after every meal, although on a daily basis this will just be a yoghurt or a piece of fruit. Tarts and other pastry things only come out in company, or as a treat. Viennoiseries (croissants, pains au chocolat, pains au raisin, etc.) are unlikely to be considered desserts, and are more likely to appear at breakfast or for a 4pm snack.

^ Dessert on a daily basis

^ Fancy dessert

^ Viennoiseries, i.e. not dessert

^ This one’s a trick question! While an éclair is a viennoiserie, it makes a perfectly acceptable dessert. These things exist on a spectrum, and there are a lot of grey areas.

• On butter:

Enter Regional Stereotypes! Isn’t this fun?

I’m from the south of France, so our cooking tends to be very Mediterranean. I have never, ever seen my parents or grandparents cook with butter. Use it in a recipe? Sure. But drop a pat of butter in a pan to melt and sauté things in? Never. The Lord created olive oil for that, you heathens.

(Before you try to revoke my French citizenship, I will have you know that I love red wine, so there. Also, butter is freaking amazing—just put it on a piece of bread and eat it like a normal person.)

I am told that people in distant northern lands do cook with butter. Those people may even call themselves Frenchmen and women. But that’s fanciful legend, if you ask me.